Monday, September 22, 2008

Marty's Meanderings

Well, I finally decided to post something. Not that many people care to read my "meanderings," but after all, this is MY blog and I can post whatever falls on my heart. I do not intentionally post things that offend anyone, but should some of my thoughts clash with yours, I apologize. Isn't it wonderful that we have that privilege? In so many other countries, people have to speak and communicate in code. I have been told this by a lady that did mission work in Taiwan,

Today my main subject has to deal with our other child, Eddy. I haven't said much about him in previous writings. Anyone reading this that knows our family already knows the situation, but for those than are just dropping by I will kind of fill you in. (Who am I kidding? No on drops by my blog. If you do let me know.)

Eddy is 36 years old and is above average according to his school testing scores. The same applies to Trina. However, Eddy has a problem that many people have today, some are able to realize this problem and get help from professionals. Eddy was never diagnosed at an early age and as time progressed his "condition" seemed to escalate. I am in no way excusing his actions or behavior that resulted from this condition. However, I am his mother and I do have feelings for him, as any good mother would.

Eddy was never able to stay as enthused about something after a short while. He would begin a project with great fervor only to loose it after a couple of weeks. This applied to everything except music. His love of the band was very quickly dashed from people that thought athletics was the only way to go. So he abandoned band and took up football. He loved to watch football, but really did not care to play that much.

He finally got through with high school and enrolled in drafting and design technology for the fall at what was then Walker State. But shortly after graduation, he drove to the Dallas area to visit his half-brother for a couple of weeks. He made this trip alone there and back quite successfully. He had been home only about ten days when he was out on a Saturday night with guys he should not have been with. He was late coming home and Joe became very upset and got up to lock the doors and turn off the lights. Not too much later, the phone rang and it was the hospital. There had been a wreck and Eddy was in the emergency room. We were told he was being transferred to UAB and to go immediately to the ER over there. We decided to stop at the ER in Jasper and found him there. He had a very badly broken leg, cuts on his mouth and ear and a deep open wound on his leg that we did not find out about for a few days. Thus began a long summer of long days at UAB, Jefferson Towers West. He was over there from July 15 (in the wee hours of that morning) until August 24. He underwent numerous surgeries and many nights and days of pain. He was on high doses of medication during the whole time, some of it strong medication for pain. Even after getting him home, things were not over. We had home health for several weeks and I was taught to re-dress the wound every day. He had several skin grafts and other surgeries on it at later times. Now after 18 years that wound still bothers him. The broken leg required a plate and 12 screws to get it back in place, but these were taken out later thinking they might be the cause of the continued infections at the wound site.

Fast forward about 4 years. Eddy meets and marries a sweet young lady with a 4 year old daughter that we immediately fell in love with. He seemed happy for a time and then in late 95 things began to go down hill. Kim finally had taken as much as she could and in July 96 she divorced him. We still stay in touch though.

It seems that Eddy was asked to try some drugs. Being the person he is, he finally did and thought no big deal. However, the damage was done and so begins the years of frustration, damage, run ins with the local law enforcement, alienation from family and friends. The typical scenario associated with drug problems. Joe and I searched high and low for help. Unfortunately, we live in a county where there is no help. We kept trying everything from having him arrested, putting him in rehabs, and more jail and more rehabs. Still no improvements.

We did find out one thing during all this. Drug addiction is a viable medical disease. Hold on to your seat, but according to the AMA that is their finding and not only that, but the preponderance for drug/alcohol addiction can be inherited. Who would have believed? That is something a lot of the do gooders don't want to accept. That still does not excuse, but it does help explain it more.

It is a strange thing to me, but if a person is diagnosed with a socially acceptable disease (cancer, heart, TB, even HIV/Aids) people will rally round to offer all kinds of help, but if you are diagnosed with a socially unacceptable disease (addiction, alcoholism, etc) there is no help. The family is left to battle it alone. The very people that you think would and should help like the mental health department will just shun you away when they find out drugs/alcohol is involved. They do not want to look at the underlying causes such as bipolar disorder, ADD, depression, which they are supposed to deal with.

I guess I have just about bored those that may have started reading this. I had done a post earlier about Trina when someone wanted to belittle her for being a childless teacher. They are not supposed to be able to adequately relate to students therefore not be able to adequately teach them. So today I thought I would give equal time to Eddy. I just wanted the world to know that he is not the monster that most people around here want him to be. He just chose some wrong roads to go down and took some of us with him as far as our time and finances are concerned. He is still my son and even though I hate the life style that he was in I loved HIM the same. I did not care for him nine months prior to his birth just to throw him away.

I pray daily for both my children. And I know God will look over them. I just pray that time will be on their side and that life will deal kindly with both of them and their lives will be both fulfilling and spent in His service.

Life is short and we should each make the most of each day. I try, but I know I fall short at times. Don't we all? As long as we walk this earth and live a human existence we will make mistakes. The biggest mistake is not admitting you have made that mistake.

Have a wonderful day.

1 comment:

Trina said...

I think you hit it right on the head--the people who have socially unacceptable issues are shunned and are treated as second-class citizens. Unless someone has personally experienced the trials and tribulations of someone who is addicted to drugs, they have no idea what those people have had to deal with and they shouldn't judge. Along the same lines, no one knows what the family and friends have to deal with either, unless they've been there themselves.

It isn't that I agree or accept Eddy's behaviors, either, but I have no idea about the demons that live within him. I would never try to pretend that I do. There are times that I hate him for what he has done to himself and to our family, but I will always love him the person I know he is capable of being.